Siblings of Children with Autism: What Parents Should Know

Sibling relationships provide children unique opportunities for learning about themselves and others.
They make up a child's first social network and are likely the basis for developing future relationships.
While brothers and sisters influence each other and play important roles in each other's lives, sibling relationship experiences may be altered in significant ways when children grow up with a disabled brother or sister. Sibling relationships are affected by both the specific characteristics of the individual siblings and by characteristics of the family in which they live.


It is estimated than an average of 1 in 110 children in the United States have an ASD, and many of these children have brothers and/or sisters. With the extraordinary effort needed to care for a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, it is often easy to overlook the unique needs of their siblings. Siblings of children with special needs surprise adults again & again with their wisdom & patience. This wisdom & patience, unfortunately, can act as a double-edged sword. These qualities are obviously excellent tools for dealing with a brother or sister who can be difficult, aggressive or simply "odd". However, such traits may give others the perception that these children are better prepared to cope than what is realistic.


In a recent workshop, siblings of children with an Autism Spectrum Disorder created this very insightful list of concerns to share with their parents.
 Sometimes I feel sad because other people treat my sibling bad.
 You shouldn't expect more out of me just because my sibling has Autism.
 You should try & give me almost as much attention as my sibling with Autism, because it's not nice to feel left out.
 I want to be treated like a normal kid, not like a kid with Autism or like an adult. . Sometimes it's embarrassing to have a sibling with Autism.
 Tell me it's ok to be embarrassed but that I need to respect my sibling.
 I get teased because of my Autistic sibling and lose friends.
 Sometimes you put off playing with me and then you pay attention to my sibling instead--that's not fair.
 Let me know what's going on with my sibling. Keep me informed about what is happening and why.
 I don't want to be responsible for my sibling.

The common theme to this list is communication. Parents have the responsibility to insure communication is happening in both directions. Parents must give accurate & appropriate information to the siblings regarding their brother or sister & continuously support the siblings in sharing their thoughts and concerns regarding these matters.