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| Lydia Wayman, guest blogger |
Since I'm contributing to the QSAC blog for the first time, it seems appropriate that I should begin my first post by telling you a bit about myself. My name is Lydia. I'm 23, but since I can't stand the number 3 or multiples of 3, I prefer to say that I'll be 24 in December. I'm entirely obsessed with my nearly-14-year-old tabby cat, Elsie Penelope. I'm a writer, through and through. This brings me to my last point, which is that I am, in fact, autistic, which for me, means that I don't do nearly as well verbally as I do when I type. Not infrequently, I can't speak at all. Typing has given me a voice in this world.
Perhaps surprisingly, I wasn't diagnosed with autism until just a few weeks after my 21st birthday. My best friend in college knew that I was autistic upon meeting me, and she brought it up for me to consider in September of 2008. Many adults with autism report that they feel like someone wrote a book about them when they read about the subject. Not so much, for me. Actually, when presented with the idea, I balked.
Why would a moderately affected autistic young woman fail to see herself in a description of autism? Well, I didn't have any sense of self or theory of mind at that point. My memories, prior to the age of 21, are only sensory impressions, and muddled at that. I actually can't remember what I thought, how I felt, or what I believed about anything. I had no idea that I love cats, or that I tend to be a pessimist, or that I'm very honest and loyal. Nothing. And so, for 21 years, I had no identity whatsoever, and least of all with respect to things like behavior such as are described in a list of autism traits.
After this revelation, though, for a time I saw myself as autistic and only autistic. I suppose this is a typical reaction to such a diagnosis coming into one's life... to hyperfocus on it for some time. Essentially, I saw things through autism glasses, so to speak. I'd say, "Is that why I lose my speech all the time!" and "Is that why I melt down in public!" I was beginning to make sense of myself and my world.
Over time, some of the hyperfocus has faded, and I've begun to learn more about myself as Lydia, instead of just as "an autistic person." As I aluded to earlier, I am a writer, a poet, a blogger, and an author. I'm a speaker. I love pink and purple, hats and shoes and clothes, and thus I'm a bit of a girly girl. Although, I do hate make up. I love Disney World. I like stuffed animals and dolls. I like to swim and walk. I'm trusting and trustworthy, honest, loyal, and yes, pessimistic. I am very interested in my cat, crafts, language, and, finally, autism.
I leave autism at the end, because while it is a part of me and what I'm all about, it is no longer all of me. I am autistic, but I am also hundreds and thousands of other things that are equally as important. I have a shirt that I like to wear to autism events that said, "I Am So Much More Than Autism." All around the big words are smaller words, descriptive adjectives.
One theme that's come up for me time in again through my writing is how people with autism really aren't so different from people in general. Now, tell me, don't many people seek to define themselves by one thing? For many, it's by what they do (I'm an engineer). For some it's by how they look (I always have to be tan and have my nails done). Others, by what they believe (I'm a Democrat). Or by relationships (I'm a mother).
I would argue that this way of defining ourselves by a single attribute is a mistake, on all our parts. I want to make shirts for the whole world that say, "I'm So Much More than ____." And all around those words, there would be a bunch of adjectives that describe the person. We, both people with autism and people without it, are multifaceted. We owe it to ourselves to recognize our strengths, weaknesses, goals, dreams, and accomplishments...
Recognize. Don't judge. Celebrate.
Lydia
Lydia Wayman is a 23-year-old Pittsburgher who loves cats, writing, more cats, and more writing. She also has autism. Lydia found her voice through typing and uses her writing ability, combined with a degree in education, to blog, write books, speak, and consult for families. She believes that a girl with a dream and a keyboard can change the world and has set out to do just that.